Hugh….it was all for nothing china.

I’ve been a great fan of the massive mobile hair unit that is HFW. Ever since he was on the wild side cooking trout on the exhaust manifold of his Landie or skewering squirrel kebabs in the New Forest, where he drew flak from the Rangers.

I’ve been watching you Hugh, don’t worry. I got the hint.

I admired your smarts, getting C4 to pay for your move out into the country idyll. Not jealous, just envious that I wasn’t so sharp.

I’ve enjoyed all your programming and got the books and DVDs. I’ve even tried the nettle soup recipe. More garlic definitely needed there!!!

I enjoyed your campaign for chicken welfare, bemused at the attempt to square that circle as poverty for the masses heaves into view, as I chomped on my KFC bargain bucket.

I took the big hint in the 1990s Hugh, “self sufficiency because in a decade or more you will starve”, I started growing my own veg, staked out hunting (poaching) grounds in the surrounding counties, brushed up on my spearmanship and plotted the escape route away from urban centres.

Me and my Bulgarian chum have followed your example and travelled down and have caught fisheries in the Dorset area, simple rod and line off the shingle and grilled the little mackerel on the beach. Great!!!

Oh it was good to learn those skills Hugh, what great fun deep in the woods and fields with the youngsters getting some field craft in. Away from the psyops on the telly.

But Hugh deep in my heart I knew they’d be one step ahead of us all the time.

So they are.

Oh shit.

No more cuttle fish or eel pie now.