Wednesday 12 January 2011

The Diary of Eyevyl Phekker aged 33.666 non ISO units.

This was intercepted today by our scrying network, forgive the bad quality of the transmission and swearywordyness. Something seems to be going wrong on the dark side. Tsk tsk.

“Dear Diary,

A most discouraging day. The human subjects show no signs of submitting to our will. Indeed they show more and more resistance to our machinations every day. No matter how we knive there are still those who keep pointing at us and laughing, the ungrateful, jumped up, soon to be under my lash and submiTTING TO MY EEEVIL WILL…....oohh I got all expectorant there. Must calm down.

Some of the subjects are onto us, our dark divinations have been….well divinated. There is no end in sight to their resourcefulness the dogooding swine wiLL FEEL THE STING OF MY VENGE…ooh MUST calm down. Deep breath.

I WILL SMITE THEM FROM THE SURFACE OF THIS……..oohhh, ooohh I almost said the word there. Must remain calm. Deep breaths.

There, that’s better. The ingrates and useless collections of skin and bone think they’ve had it bad. I’m doing my best!!!!!

This one in particular. Listen to this will you.

Eventually the Truthers in the bleachers look to each other, shrug, and say, "Well, the losing team must WANT to lose - that's the only way it makes sense." Is that it? Are you folks happy in this abusive relationship, a relationship where a government that you fund with your very own tax dollars ends up being your Big Brother and controlling every aspect of your lives? Hell, you must enjoy it on some level - maybe it makes you feel safe, or maybe you're a masochist, but you sure seem to enjoy getting hit. If you like it so much, fine, just stand there with your thumb in your mouth while the elite keep setting up these problem, reaction, solution scenarios where the solution is always to take more of your freedom away.

How does he think I feel. I’ve been flogging the life out the clowns night and day for millenia. My claws are calcified and petrified with the weilding of chains. Balrog’s have it easy. I’ve battered the clowns into submission century after century and still I’m not King of the World. “Look at me”, hasn’t had a chance to escape my splintered lips EVER!. Disheartened, he’s only a beginner.

I’ve invented sweary words and blasphemy that make Beelzebub’s soul stealers shrink. He’s worried about…..well hark unto his own words.

So now of course they are trying to push restrictions on "incendiary speech". Okay, let's look at it logically without all the bullshit and see what happens. Should violent speech against politicians be outlawed? That depends. Is it satire, or is the speaker actually wanting to harm someone physically? What if it is satire, but someone else misunderstands it and carries out a violent act? Those are good questions, but the first thing we should clear up is that if violent speech against politicians is bad, that means it's bad for everyone, even us sheeple pee-ons (politicians are so arrogant - their elitist roots are really beginning to show). How dare these snobs act as if they are the only ones important enough to be protected from violent speech - THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO WORK FOR US (yeah, it doesn't really work that way, obviously, but that's what the rulebook says), and they're also supposed to (gasp) care about our well being.

HE thinks he’s got it bad. I’ve got legions of the damned working for me and a damned good portion of the infestation currently billeted down there and still, still I don’t get the kow towing or the down right crapping of pants my labours deserve. What do I have to do to get them to finally give up? What have I not done to them in the past that would have turned other mortals into quivering wrecks? Why do I always get the difficult ones? Why meeeeeeee…I’M GOING TO SMASH THEIR PUNY LITTLE…….calm, deep breaths, a sip of lemon tea, deep breaths…. Ahhhhhh.

Diary would you believe it? He goes and rubs salt in the wound, the cruelty of it all. After all I’ve done for them. Listen, though my tears blind me.

This article I'm about to link to has these politicians talking about how they "prayed" after the shooting. When I hear these people mention prayer, I have to wonder - who did they pray to? Did the entity in question have pointy ears, and was he holding a pitchfork?

Of course they prayed to me, and by the way I have been told that I’m rather good looking. Pointy ears indeed!! However because of you nosey parkers and stikkybeaks always getting in the way, something has gone wrong with the evilnet. By Satan’s seemless trouserings I’ve been doing my darnedest to envelope these spawn in a cloak of hopeless darkness but some of them don’t get it. The ungrateful Mother FUCKING……”

After this the scrying goes haywire. Sweary words are used that even we hadn’t thought of and an endless series of smashings and crashings ensues, punctuated by a solitary “oh my tea..” then a…click….brrrr.

H/T Bryan at Rate of Dissent. The Worst Football Team Ever.

So let us all take heart. No matter how bad it is for us and our team. The opposition are even more phekked over. Team Omega sucks.